Tomorrow, before your shift starts at work, walk to the middle of your office and announce, at the top of your lungs, the most personal and explosive details of your relationship with your partner (intimacy, finances, etc.). Expect everyone to nod and smile. And when someone doesn’t do so, get very angry.
Welcome to world of Facebook as reality.
Lookit: I am well aware that there are plenty of moments when our Facebook “friends” deserve a little snark smack down. That is part of the fun of social media. Typically, you can soften any blow with a creatively-placed emoji or a properly-used “lol.”
But this, my friends, isn’t what I am talking about.
I am talking about the swipes I read between parents on Facebook, taking principled stands on issues that are trolling for contrary replies. Sheesh, these aren’t hard to find. Scroll down your newsfeed and look for status updates about things like home schooling, processed foods, corporal punishment, or — my personal favorite fishing-for-conflict topic — vaccines.
On slow snark days, these topics can be as trivial as sleep habits and soy-versus-dairy baby formula.
Now look: I know each one of us has done some pretty hard thinking about the topics that matter most to us — religion, the designated hitter, politics, the 2-3 zone defense, etc. — and these are issues that keep us up at night wondering whether we are getting through to our children.
In addition, it’s important to know that you aren’t the only one who has done some thinking about these things. And, although your conclusions might not be identical to the people around you, you presumably respect your social media correspondences enough not to treat them like children.
Of course the irony of this post is that a few of you are reading wondering if I am talking specifically about you. Trust me, I am not. I wouldn’t do that. Then again, I wouldn’t post about you on Facebook either.
I am too busy trying to keep my kids on the right side of the designated hitter argument.
In the meantime, let’s all agree to keep social media reserved for its original purpose: creeping on exes who haven’t kept in touch.