(General ‘Stranger Things’ spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned.)
Dear Mike and Nancy’s Dad,
Sorry, did I wake you? It’s Ben, from the future.
It’s crazy here in 2016. Now that the Cold War is completely over, we’ve really upped our games.
We have self-driving cars. We also have little phones we carry around that do all sorts of fun things.
What else has changed since the 1980s? Oh yeah, we stopped being terrible fathers.
That’s right. You’re the worst. The absolute worst.
Why? Well, first off, all you do is sleep. Dude, your daughter just lost her bestie and your son’s buddy just RETURNED FROM THE UPSIDE DOWN. And, you’re sleeping? WTF?
You also have literally no clue that your two children have endured what had to have been the CRAZIEST week ever.
Your daughter loses her virginity to some douche nozzle and then her best friend vanishes. Your son has hid a girl in the basement for at least a few days and you have absolutely no clue.
You suck. So much. I hate you.
You see, since you roamed the earth, Dads from the future have been trying to shed a stereotype.
I mean, after you we got Al Bundy, Homer Simpson and Jack McKay. Things have improved, what, with Jim Walsh, Phil Dunphy and Ned Stark. But, damn you set us back a few decades.
All I’m saying is couldn’t you have tried a little bit? Even if it was fake effort, it would’ve made things easier for us. But no, you just sat there, alone at the dinner table and alone in your “chair.”
What was so hard about life back then that made you so miserable? I kind of enjoy this whole Dad thing.
Anyways, thanks for absolutely nothing. I can’t wait until Season 2, where you get to do all sorts of things like not helping Nancy out with her college applications and making sure Mike never learns how to throw a football.
Until then, back to sleep, you horrible, horrible man.